Saying like “everything happens for a reason”, “good things come to those who wait”, and “patience is a virtue” may be great saying but when you’re trying to start a family they do not comfort you. For those who have not had issues trying to pregnant it may seem like a great thing to say. For some people those things might comfort them but for me it did not. My husband and I started trying to get pregnant in April 2016. For me it was not easy. I’m a person who takes anti-depressants and sleep aids so I had to begin with getting off some serious medication. After a great deal of thought and prayers, I made the decision to go off all my medicine before getting pregnant. My goal was to go off everything and try to stay off it while pregnant. My husband and I decided that was the best thing for us. Let me say that again, it was the best thing for me. Everyone makes decision about their pregnancy and how they are going to do things. I wanted to reduce the chances of the baby having issues in this way but I am not a doctor nor do I look down on anything who makes other decisions. My goal was to go off the medicine and try to stay off it until the baby is born. Goal being the key word. I had prepared for not being able to do this. I worked closely with my doctor to get off the medicine and had steps in place to try to set myself up to be able to do this. Going off my medication is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The emotional journey has been very difficult but I’ve been able to weather the storm so far. My marriage and family have also been able to make it through as well. Un-medicated Sarah is not the best person to be around. There were time when I doubted if I could do it or if I should keep trying.
After the medication situation was handled we began trying to get pregnant. I read tons of things and downloaded apps to try to help. The first few months weren’t too bad because I just thought my body was just adjusting still. When six months had come and gone I was beginning to doubt things. I knew people who got pregnant right away and I could not understand why still was happening to me. As the one year mark grew closer I made an appointment with a doctor to check to make sure there wasn’t something else I could do. The doctor told me from what she could tell I was healthy and there was no reason she could see why it wasn’t working. She referred me to an infertility doctor. I was scared and thought things would only get worse from here. In the time before my appointment I doubled down on the crazy fertility things I tried. I drank green tea, took “special fertility supplements”, and prayed that this would happen. When it came time again to take my pregnancy test for the month, I forced myself to do it again. I had already prepared myself for another negative. I sat and waited to check it and after the time was up I looked down to see a very faint line. I could not believe it! I read the box and googled faint line. Everything I had read said that a line is positive even if it was not dark yet.
I decided I needed to be sure before telling my husband so I bought a test that would say yes or no so there would not be any question. It came back positive as well so I started to accept that it had finally happened. My husband works third shift so I waited for him to wake up to tell him the good news. He was just as excited as I was. Our dream was finally coming true. The time of my pregnancy was very interesting though. We were due to close on a house in a couple weeks, and I was set to take one of the hardest classes at a summer class. We decided to only share the news with a couple of family members at first because I was not very far along and if something were to happen I didn’t want to have to deal with that. When I told my family I cried each time. I was so happy but I’m sure those hormones placed a part too. I could not believe it had finally happened. I joked that I just needed to make an appointment with a infertility doctor for things to work out. That first month I was an emotional wreck. I cried at everything and did not handle the stress of moving and my summer class very well. My poor husband probably thought I was never going to be a sane person again.
I’m now 28 weeks along and starting my third trimester. I’ve been lucky and haven’t had morning sickness or many symptoms. I volunteered to get ultrasounds by college students to get more chances to see my little miracle. I feel very blessed that I was able to pregnant on my own. I know it doesn’t happen so everyone and that each time it does it should be cherished. It has become clear to be that everything does happen for a reason, good things come to those who wait, and patience is a virtue. My prayers were answered but just not in the time frame I wanted. The truth is that the time is really great. We moved into a bigger house, and I’m going to graduate from college a month before the baby it due. God’s plan is something that is hard to see and understand but putting my faith in him is what had gotten me this far. I’ve been able to stay off of my medication and the baby is healthy. I can’t wait to welcome a baby girl in January and see where that journey takes my family.