May 252012
 

1. What kind of music do chiropractors listen to?

2. What’s the best way to carve wood?

3.How does a lion like his meat?

4.Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?

5.Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?

6.Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?

7.What do you call a nosy pepper?

8. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in the leaves?

I’m looking forward to a relaxing three-day weekend for Memorial Day.  These jokes are great way to start it out. 

Answers: 1. Hip-Pop 2.Whittle by whittle. 3. Roar 4.He had no body to go with him. 5.Because he was a little shellfish.6. They kept dropping their trunks. 7. Jalapeno Business. 8. Russell

May 232012
 

As you can see from the picture the Potato Man is growing like crazy.   I just can seem to let go of him still.  I’ve narrowed down what I should do with him to a few options.  Option 1: Harvest Potato Man for mold and make penicillin out of it.  Sell the penicillin on the black market and in turn become very rich.  Option 2: Give Potato Man a potato family.  I could give him a wife and a couple of kids.  Once you have four rotting potatoes why stop there.  I could make an entire potato people race.  Maybe I could add a room full of exotic birds and end up on Hoarders.  I’d explain it all started with my boyfriend giving me the first one as a gift and I couldn’t stop.  I’ve always wanted to be on TV, this could be my start.  I’d have a great turn around story and write a book about it.  I’ll be rich!  Option 3: I could plant the Potato Man.  If I’m lucky it will grow into the biggest and best potato ever.  I’ll quit my job and become a farmer.  I can see the sign now, “Quirkster’s Famous Potatoes!  My family is full of Quirks but now yours can be too!”  I’ll be the talk of the town and definitely rich.

I have some thinking to do about what my next move is.  I mean this is a Potato Man I need to make the right choice.  Tossing him aside would never be an option, that’s just crazy.  I’m sitting on a gold mine here I can just feel it.

May 182012
 

There’s nothing like making a fool of yourself on national television.

1. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison?

2. What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?

3. What do you call a bear with no teeth?

4. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

5. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

6. What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day?

7. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

8. What did the grape say after the elephant sat on it?

These jokes are some real knee slappers.  Enjoy the weekend. 

Answers: 1.A small medium at large. 2. Oh Snap! 3. A Gummy Bear. 4. Because he felt crummy. 5. Make me one with everything! 6. A Frisbee 7. Pumpkin Pi. 8. Nothing, it just let out a little whine.

May 172012
 

I had some time to kill so I decided to check out what games I could get on my iPhone. I searched the top free apps. Number one was I’d Cap That but you must have iOS 5 to run it, I only have an iPhone 4 so that was out of the question. I already had number three 100 Floors, number four Socialcam, and number five Logos Quiz. I decided to go check out the number two choice “Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader.” I’m really regretting downloading the app now because it’s so addictive. I downloaded it this afternoon and I’m on level 3 after playing for an hour or so. It’s fun because you play against other people. You answer 8 questions, 2 from each grade from 1st to 4th at different point values. If more people get the question wrong the motr points you receive for the questions. You get extra points if you get the correct answer the quickest. At the end of round if you’ve won then you go to the 5th grade question. If you haven’t won you can use stars to continue to the 5th Grade round. If you answer the 5th Grade question correctly then you ‘Are Smarter Than A 5th Grader’ and receive bonus points and stars otherwise you just receive some points and are shamed not  being smarter than a 5th grader. You must have at least 25 stars in order to start a new game. It’s a pretty basic game but it becomes addicting because you want to see what the next questions will be. You should test your skills and see if you “Are Smarter Than A 5th Grader.”

May 112012
 

1. Why did the cowboy adopt a Weiner dog?

2. Why do milking stools only have three legs?

3. Why is there no gambling in Africa?

4. Why didn’t the melons get married?

5. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

6. What do you call a guy who never farts in public?

7.What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but Saran wrap walked into his office?

8. Why did the police officer smell?

If you can’t tell by now I love bad jokes.  I’ve found that the G rated jokes can get just as many laughs as the dirty ones.  After spending 8 years in the Army I have my fair share of dirty jokes but I’m trying to clean up my act.   I hope you agree with me if not I guess you won’t read my Funny Friday jokes anymore. I highly recommend you continue to tune in each Friday though, the best is yet to come. 

Answers:1. He wanted to get a long little doggy. 2.’Cause the cow’s got the udder!3. Because they have too many Cheetahs! 4.Because they cantaloupe! 5.Polaroids 6. A Private Tutor. 7. I can clearly see you’re nuts! 8.Because he was on duty.

May 082012
 

It’s one of my favorite times of year, shaved ice season.  I was so happy to see that Roy Boy Shaved Ice had opened back up.  It is by far the best shaved ice in town.  If you haven’t ever had a Roy Boy you should definitely treat yourself.  It is located on the corner of Morgan Avenue and Green River Road in the parking lot.  They offer a good variety of flavor options.  The three size choices are$1, $2, or $3 cup.  You can add extra syrup for $.50 or whipped topping if that is what floats your boat.   My favorite flavor is the cotton candy pink.  There is nothing better than a yummy shaved ice on the hot summer day.  This weekend I took my nieces and nephew and scored big coolest aunt points.  I mean who doesn’t want to take a ride in the “Jeep Car” to go get a Roy Boy Shaved Ice?  

May 042012
 

1. Why did the fish get kicked out of school?

2.What is invisible and smells like carrots?

3.Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?

A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender “Hey, could I get a beer please?”  The bartender looks at him shaking his head and say “No, we don’t serve food here.”

Support bacteria, they’re the only culture some people have.

Do not argue with an idiot; he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 

Answers:1.Cause he was caught with seaweed. 2. Rabbit farts. 3. It ran out of juice.

May 032012
 

If you’re looking for a great place to get glasses America’s Best is the place to go.  I recently went in to have an eye exam and purchased two pairs of glasses.  They have a special deal if you buy two pairs of glasses for $69.95 you get a free eye exam.  That is the deal that got me in the door but I was pleasantly surprised.   I had been putting off going to get glasses because I didn’t want to pay for an eye exam. ( Yes, I’m cheap) I was able to schedule my appointment online and walked in without a wait.  I saw the doctor and picked out some frames while they finished up the paperwork.  The staff was friendly and helpful.  It took less than a week for my glasses to come it.  Today I received a call from America’s Best  following up on how my glasses were working out.  The woman left a very nice message thanking me for my business.  She reminded me that if I needed any adjusts or had any problems with my glasses they would be happy to help me.   It seems like customer service isn’t really a priority to companies these days.   It is nice to see something different for a change.  I appreciate a company that takes the time to call and follow-up with me.  If you’re in the market for glasses or contacts America’s Best will be a good choice.