Feb 292012

Everyday at work I count the money, prepare the deposit, and go to the bank.  I’ve worked around money at most of my jobs so having money around never really was an issue.  Some days at work I would count upwards of $60,000.  The difference with this job is that I don’t just put the money in a drawer or the safe; I actually leave the building and take it to the bank for deposit.  I would never steal but today while I was driving to the bank I thought about what I could do with all the money.  The movie Empire Records came to mind immediately.  If you’re not familiar with the movie I feel sorry for you, it’s a great one.  The basic idea of the movie is that Lucas a clerk at Empire Records discovers that an independent record store is about to be sold to the big bad chain storeMusicTown.  Lucas decides to take matters into his own hands and go gamble with the store’s money inAtlantic Cityand save the store.  They rest of the movie is the events that follow Lucas’ big decision.  Spoiler Alert, he lost all the money and they have to try to get the money back.

Evansvilleisn’t near Vegas orAtlantic Citybut we do have a river boat Casino Aztar.  I’m not a big gambler but when I do gamble I love to play roulette.  There is no skill in it, just dumb luck but I think that’s what I enjoy about it.  As I drove to the bank I could imagine myself putting down $100 on even, and $100 13-24.  I’d watch the ball spin around the wheel until it came to rest on the spot of 18 and I’d be a big winner.  I’d keep going until I doubled the money and then leave.  I’d go back to the office as if nothing had happened.  I’d sit at my desk and decide what to do with my winnings for the rest of the day.  I’m sure it would involve ‘making it rain’ when I got home.  In reality I’d never to that but the thought of it was fun to day dream about.  It’s probably a good thing I don’t have much money though, I’d filled my house with As Seen On TV products.

 Posted by at 3:23 pm
Feb 282012


I’m a little embarrassed to admit it but for awhile I have an avid info-commercial watcher.  I didn’t have cable for a few years and it led me to watching tons of As Seen On TV ads.  If only I could just buy this product all my problems would be solved.  Messy cabinet you must a Spin Around and the Swivel Store.  For those who just can’t bear to walk around cold in your house, you need a Forever Lazy.  Your shoe laces just can’t stay tied try the Wonder Laces. They promise their product has “6 times the knot strength of typical shoelaces.” Don’t know how to cut brownies; the Perfect Brownie will be your savior.  And it you can’t be bothered to cut your own brownies then you obviously can’t peel the shell off a hard boiled egg.  Eggies will be your helpful friend in your hour of need.  I have over the years purchased some of the wonderful products I’ve seen on TV.  My first mistake I will admit is actually getting the first item. You start buying one thing which leads to you start to thinking, “if this works then the other stuff must be just as good.” 

For probably 3 years or so I would ask for the Magic Bullet as a gift.  It was more then I wanted to spend on something that might not really work.  My family felt the same way and did not play into my folly.  My boyfriend however decided to play into my sickness and surprise me with it.   When I returned home from two weeks at field training exercise the Magic Bullet was sitting on my counter waiting for me.  I’ve used to for the traditional things they show on TV and made margaritas, chopped things.  It comes with mugs that have different colored rims so you can find your cup.   What I’ve used to most often for is chili.  I like to blend up the beans to make it thicker and it works perfectly for this. 

Having been so happy with my Magic Bullet I decided I should try some other things.  Smooth Away was my next purchase.  It is supposed to remove hair “instantly and pain free.” It does not remove your hair painlessly.  It is pretty much like rubbing sand paper on your skin.  I tried it first on my arm to see if it would work and it didn’t.  So I tried to on my leg thinking maybe it was just the angle I was using.  Nope, it just rubbed my leg raw.  I didn’t lose hope after this bad experience though.  I tried Snuggie next.  I was at CVS and saw Colts Snuggie I couldn’t resist.  It said one size fits all for adults so I thought I would be good to go.  It wasn’t until I got home that I thought about how this could pose a problem for my 5’2 self.  It isn’t like a pair of gloves that will form to you.  The Snuggie is probably 3 feet too long for me.  I just rolled it up and decided it was a good purchase because at a minimum it’s a cool Colts thing to have.   Since I was enjoying my Snuggie so much I decided my dog would want one too.  My dog was luckier than me though, they had one in his size.  I decided he also needed a sweater too because he doesn’t want to be the lame dog in the neighborhood with only one outfit. 

 The next object of my affection became the Xpress Redi Set Go.  They had changed it a few times making it seem perfect now.  One day the commercial for it came on while my boyfriend and I were watching TV.  I told him that was going to probably be the next thing that I would buy.  He told me I was silly and probably wouldn’t use it.  I insisted that it looked so cool and Target has a great As Seen On TV section so I wouldn’t have to pay shipping.  It wasn’t until weeks later when my boyfriend came over with an older version of the grill that I thought about it again.  His Mom had bought it a few years ago and didn’t get much use out of it and said I could borrow it.  He suggested that I try out this one and if I really liked it then to buy the one I wanted.  I’ve made a few things in it and they weren’t very good.  I have lost hope in the As Seen On TV line though.  I need still the Sham Wow, The Ove Glove, Slice O Matic, and Forever Lazy.  I’ll just have to stop telling people about the bad ones I guess.    


Feb 272012

Over the weekend I went to Izaak Walton gun range with my boyfriend.  It is off the beaten path of HWY 66 about 15 minutes outside of Evansville.  As we were driving the country road we noticed a trend at most of the houses, American Flags.  It seems like people who live out in the county and not in the city are more patriotic.  I would bet most of the people who don’t live in the city are harder working and don’t leech on the system.  Looking at all the flags go by it reminded me of the Toby Keith song Made in America. It starts, “My old man’s that old man, spent his life livin’ off the land, dirty hands, and a clean soul.  Breaks his heart seein’ foreign cars, filled with fuel that isn’t ours, and wearin’ cotton he didn’t grow.  (Chorus) He’s got the red, white, and blue flyin’ high on the farm, Semper Fi tattooed on his left arm.  Spends a little more at the store for a tag in the back that says U.S.A. Won’t buy nothin’ that he can’t fix,with WD40 and a Craftsman wrench.  He ain’t prejudice he’s just, Made in America.”  Even if you don’t like country music you can’t help but to like Toby Keith’s patriotic songs.  Who doesn’t like a good ole’ country song about America right?  While I was in Iraq Toby Keith came to the base I was at and performed.  Hearing Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue with bombs going off in the distance is probably one the coolest things.   


Another trend I’ve noticed around the city is pro gun bumper stickers.  As I’ve said before I like guns and I’m all for people owning one (or 20) but the bumper sticker is a bit much for me.  If I had to guess the owner’s of the cars with these bumper stickers on them are probably the same ones with flags out front.  So for that I’ll forgive the crazy stickers.

 Posted by at 3:57 pm
Feb 232012

 I’ll be the first to admit that I multi-task while driving.  I use my phone, eat, drink (not alcohol), mess with the radio and yell at other drivers.  I’ve mastered the art of knee driving over the years, I usually only do this when I’m in the car alone though.  Some people might say that these behaviors are a hazard and dangerous.  I’m going to put my behaviors into perspective though.  I don’t do the following things which I believe to be much more dangerous. 


Having a car full of junk is not only ugly to look at but it’s an accident waiting to happen.  At any moment your ‘treasures’ could fall on top of you causing you to lose control and hit another car.  I understand that the economy is in the crapper but if you’re going to live in your car please don’t drive it.  I think the same rules should apply to living in your car as a mobile home.  It’s on wheels and can move but you don’t drive it around, you park it and chain your dog to it.   I know this sounds kind of mean but let’s get real, you know you would be pissed if you got hit by someone driving a car with all this stuff in it.  As for the car with the sun shade on the front window, unless you’re super woman I don’t like you can see through that.  I would be willing to bet that the directions show it being placed on a rear window.  Maybe you hadn’t heard of this great invention called sunglasses.  They are great!  Not only do they protect your eyes from the sun but allow you to do things without shielding your eyes. 

I remember when I was kid that doing a Chinese fire drill at a stoplight and thinking how funny and cool I was.  At this point in my life watching another adult get out of their car at a stoplight is just annoying.  If you don’t have a medical emergency you shouldn’t get out of your car at a stoplight.  Getting out of your car on the Lloyd Expressway is just about the dumbest place to do it.  You’re just asking for the light to change and a semi to come barreling through taking your door off and sending your flying through the air.  I can picture the news story now, “45 years old man was killed while getting suit jacket out of back seat on the Lloyd Expressway today.” 


My personal favorite is when people drive around with their dog in their lap.  Sometimes in cases of large breed dogs it appears that the dog is actually driving the car.   I’ve taken a double take a few times to see if there were a human in the vehicle.  It is 2012, I’m sure we are just a stones throw away from our four-legged friends driving us around.  We were supposed to have flying cars by now.  I think we need to stop worrying about Obamacare and focus on what’s really important, canine taxis.  TheUScould tellChinato suck it if we could have dogs driving.  People already are buying dogs that can skateboard, just think how much you could charge of the doggy chauffer.  I look forward to the day when my gold retriever can drive my kids to the daycare.

Feb 222012

Meth is a big problem in Evansville.  Most days you can’t turn on the TV or read the paper without hearing about a meth bust.  I read an article about Indiana being third in the US in meth production.  I’m so proud!  Not only is Evansville,Indiana the proud owner of being the fattest city in the US but now the state is third in meth.  I’m sure all the drug dealers in Evansville have decided make us number one. Lucky for me a happen to have some of the lovely drug dealers that live next door to me.    I haven’t any real confirmation until  I was reading through the Courier & Press online and I see an article about condemned houses because of meth labs.  Not to my surprise I see my neighbor’s house pictured.  Instead of being glad that I’m still alive and didn’t get blown up by the meth lab I think, I knew it!  There have been many times when I’ve come home to cops surrounding a house with canine units without seeing any arrests.  I saw the tape around the house days later but didn’t read anything about a bust.  I just figured there had been a fight and that it was a crime scene. 

I’ve called the police for my neighbors fighting in the street before.  I heard yelling and looked out my window to see one man taking his shirt off and running at the group.  Strangely I’m ok with men beating each other up.  When the one guy started to lose his lady friend (I’m not sure if it was his mom, sister, or girlfriend) jumped in to help, that I had a problem with it.  Old girl started throwing herself around like nobody’s business.  Luckily, the guys did not fight back and tried to walk away.  I guess she thought she would jump on the grenade. Once the woman got involved I decided to call 911.  Of course they had stopped fighting by the time the police arrived but everyone was still out in their yards.  The police questioned them but I’m guessing nothing came of it but I think I did my part. 

To have the police drive through my neighborhood or surround houses it’s something new to me.  I usually try to stay out it though.  I’ve heard there is a code among thrives and criminals and I knew I would have to prove it.  One night I had to make sure my neighbors knew I was cool and wouldn’t break the code.  I was taking the trash to the curb when a police car started to drive by.  I didn’t really think anything of it until he stopped and backed up to me.  “What is your address?”  “123 Main Street,” I replied.  “Do you know where 126 Main Street is?”  “No, I’m sorry I don’t know,” I said quickly.  Honestly I didn’t, the addresses in my neighborhood are messed up because most are a duplex.  He drove off and as I was getting ready to walk back up to my door I see my neighbor out of the corner of my eye.  “What’d he want?” “He asked where 126 Main Street was but I didn’t tell him anything.”  With a nod she walked back up to her house.  I nodded and thought to myself, “I ain’t no Snitch!”

Feb 212012

“You’ve got something on your forehead,” the man says motioning for me to wipe it off.  “It’s ashes.  It’s Ash Wednesday.”  And so the Lenten season begins every year.  Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday which marks the beginning of Lent.  Lent is the 40 days before Easter.  For Christians this is kind of our bread and butter. It’s a time of reflection on the sacrifice of Jesus for the worlds forgiveness of sins.   I mean what says I’m a good Catholic  better than walking around all day with ashes on your forehead.  People can not help but say something about it.  I guess that’s the little cross I bear. (pun intended)

Feb 202012

I don’t always love my job but it just isn’t in me to do a bad job.  Having a good work ethic and being hard working has caused me frustration over the years.   I’ve had a job since I was 14 years old.  As I get older the less patient I’ve become with lazy people.  When I came home fromIraqand went back to work at Schnucks, I thought I might just snap and smack one of the baggers around.  They couldn’t be bothered to stop talking with their friends and bag customer’s groceries.  Listening to complaints about pushing carts in when it was hot just about put me over the edge.  “It’s too hot to push carts,” they’d whine.  “You don’t know hot.  Doing inventory in a connex (which pretty much bakes you) of thousands of parts at noon inBalad,Iraq, that’s hot.”  I felt like an old fart that was talking about the days when they had to walk to school or when bread cost a nickel.

Working for an insurance company was probably one of the worst cases of laziness.  I worked in the claims departments.  I was the person you call when you have an accident and need to report it.  It wasn’t a difficult job.  The guy that did the same job as me was pretty much useless though.  He would show up at least 20 minutes late everyday.   Then once there didn’t close Internet Explorer the entire day.  I’ve never worked with someone that loved the internet as much as he did.   But I guess like anyone he would get bored from surfing the net.  At which point he would take a nap at his desk.   I’ve come to work tired, sick, and/or hung-over but still managed to make it through the day.  You deciding to go out drinking or staying up the night before isn’t my problem.  He didn’t have to be in until 8 or whatever time he chose that day.   I of course that to take pictures of it.  It was too funny to pass up. 

Working with this sleepy gentleman made me feel my age. (27)  The new generation of kids and young adults are lazy and annoying.   I was raised that if you want something you have to earn it.  I didn’t get an allowance; I did my chores because that is part of being in a family.   I never had a curfew because I was trustworthy and hung out with good kids.   I got spanked when I deserved it and I think I’m better for it.  I’m the youngest of four children (Irish Catholics, shish) so I was always pushing my luck.  My brothers were often giving me great ideas.   I don’t know how my Mom did it.  I’m not a parent but I hope that one day I can raise my kids as well as my Mom did.

 Posted by at 3:22 pm  Tagged with:
Feb 172012

I worked at Schnucks for around 8 years.  I started as a courtesy clerk and by the time I left I was a checker trainer, worked at the service desk, and was doing Night Manager shifts.  Over the years I’ve sharpened my customer service skills because Schnucks is of course, ‘The Friendliest Store In Town.’ Schnucks customers are a breed all of their own.  In Evansville we do not have Kroger stores but I would say they are pretty comparable.  It’s better than Walmart and most customers expect to be treated like royalty.  If you don’t greet your customer or smile, you most likely will get a complaint. Don’t “bag it light”, complaint.  If you aren’t “careful with the bread”, you might as well just go walk in front of a bus. (Lucky for me there is a bus stop in the parking lot at my store) Smashed CartI’m going to let you all in a secret.  Your cashier and bagger know that you don’t want your bread smashed, your eggs broken or your shampoo with your raw meat.  As it turns out working at a grocery store isn’t rocket science. What was great at Schnucks was the employees had to complete a bagging simulator before working on the sales floor.  It actually was a pretty entertaining program.  Another tip,don’t talk down to me. If you do there is a good chance I’m going to do something to your stuff when you aren’t looking.   If you tell me not to smash your bread, go ahead and plan on my thumb print in it.  And I’ll smile and tell you to have a nice day.  

 This brings me to the art of talking to your cashier.  I’m not your therapist, best friend, mother, dentist, or pastor.  I don’t want to hear about it.  When asked how you’re doing just say you’re doing well and when I respond with a generic answer leave it be.  If I say I’m fine don’t tell me I look tired or ask me if I’m sick.  If you do I know that you think I look like crap.  One of the worst things to say is, “It can’t be that bad.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that.  You don’t know that it isn’t that bad.  For all you know my boyfriend just broke up with me, kicked me out, and shot my dog.  Or even worse my son might have told me that he’s planning on voting Democrat in the next election.  So the next time you’re unpacking your groceries and find something damaged ask yourself, what did I do to piss my cashier off?